January 24

NurtureShock by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman

-a quick review of a book I recently finished

I heard one of the authors of this book interviewed on an NPR station several months ago and was intrigued. Here's a link to part of that discussion:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=112292248

I was really excited to get the book and read it out. After waiting for 36 people ahead of me in the library, I finally got the coveted dribble. As to what I think of the book? It was easy to read and accesible. It had very intriguing subject matter, and half of it was somewhat interesting, but I think it was terribly mis-titled. Frankly, there is not much shocking about what they say. The point the authors are getting at is that a lot of trendy parent strategies are not working, and it is time to go back to common sense. It uses the usual load of intellectual studies and statistics to prove/disprove their point/the opposing point of view. It was a very readable book, but I felt like my time was better spent listening to the interview. I felt that I got most of the benefit out of listening to the author speak for a few minutes, then I did spending a few hours reading his book. So a re-cap of what I learned? A few of the "uh...no duh" revelations:

1. Be careful how you praise your children, too much empty praise doesn't work. Too much praise period doesn't work.

i.e. "You're smart." vs. "You do well when you work on your homework and study hard."

2. Kids need to sleep. More. Okay, I sooooo do not follow this advice, but I know it is really true. I think we all do, doesn't make me do it, though.

3. White parents should talk about race. Openly.

4. Getting your kids to be honest can be tricky. Really? NOOO way! A lot of things that you do just make your kids become better liars.

5. The smart kids can't always be found in Kindergarten or before. Wait a few years.

(As a side note: I am SOOO glad that my state was one of the ones that doesn't screen for "gifted" programs until the 3rd grade, and that they took a chance on a borderline score=me. The gifted program really impacted me, but I doubt I would have qualified any earlier. I needed to learn to focus my abilities. I went from singing on the tabletops in Kindergarten to a focused student. It took some time.)

So the first five chapters somewhat bored me, honestly. The second five chapters were much more compelling. If you are interested, read up on why siblings fight, why teens rebel, how to teach self-control (or can you?) why children fight, and how to get your baby to read (or should you wait?) I was fascinated by the chapter on kindergarten education that speaks of a system called the Tools of the Mind. I wish that there were a school around me that utilized this method. It is a preschool and kindergarten system that gives children tools of learning and cooperation. Children basically "play" all day. They have to put together scenarios and act them out and problem solve. It is guided play, but it is still imaginative play. I'm a big fan of play and not pushing your kids too much too early. It also has peers guiding reading/listening skills. Kids read/listen to each other every day. Reading/writing is presented without worries of spelling errors at first - sounds are reinforced. I'm really not doing the tools justice here, but it sounds like an amazing system. It piqued my interest probably because I have an up and coming kindergartner in the next year, and I am very interested in how he receives his education. For more info. on Tools of the Mind here is a link: http://www.mscd.edu/extendedcampus/toolsofthemind/

Overall, it was well-researched and well-presented, but I always get the feeling in these books like the author is just another guy trying to sell me on his research findings. I really get annoyed by all the statistics and studies out there that prove/disprove whatever you want. Really if you want you can pick a side and find some kind of study to back you up. Even if it is a crazy side. So a few possibly "shocking" things presented were: I

1. P.B.S. can make your kids more aggresive than Star Wars

2. Spanking doesn't make violent kids, if spanking is the norm.

3. Arguing, lying, and agression may be positive traits in your children and mean they are "advanced."

The conclusion was the best part of the book. If I could go back in time, I would listen to the interview and read the conclusion. The authors do throw the question out there - here are the studies - but does it really matter? Your child is more agressive than others? So? Your child lies? So? It matters, but ony to a point. I often ponder the same thing - especially when it comes to my kids. Yes, I want them to be as smart as they can be, as hard-working and honest as they can be etc. etc. etc. Yes, I believe certain things will guide them down that path, but I also am leary of pushing too hard and too much. I don't need a baby Einstein, and even if I wanted one, I don't think you can creat one.....so.... now I am rambling. Decent book - I'd give it 7 toes out of 10.

-as a side note, I also heard some stupid local radio hosts on the "Night Side" project call spanking "nurture shocking." They obviously had not read the book and missed the boat and mis-quoted the studies on spanking. Go Utah talk radio!